capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
