he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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