I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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