dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
