So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
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