He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
