i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
