this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
