So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I want a musical about memes.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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