I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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