i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
