I didn't shave. On purpose
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
