He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I will pee on everything he values.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
