seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
even my farts smell like vagina
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
