i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
