Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
