He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
she smelled like a LAN party
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
