perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
