There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
