david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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