I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
