I think I am morally bankrupt
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
