Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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