he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
