what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize