everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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