see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
