I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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