Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
