A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
