based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
