I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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