Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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