tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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