I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
