Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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