The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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