Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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