wat bout pragnant strippers??
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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