i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
