Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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