so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
not ubering you a puppy
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
