yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
