The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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