I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
