it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
