Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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