I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
