We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
