Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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