sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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