Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
