I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
