a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize
