Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize