I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
