I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
