And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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