All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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