so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
