Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
