and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
