i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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