she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
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