I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
