i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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