I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
