i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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