Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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