Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
