My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
