I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
