he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
