apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
