dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just want to make out with him forever
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
