Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
