shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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