PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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