just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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