It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize