I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
