after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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