so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize