There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
