The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Who died my cat blue again?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
