sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
false alarm, still single
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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