I'm really into asian looking animals
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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