i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
