Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
be right there i have to get my cape
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
