I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
