do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
