we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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