So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
