You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
