john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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