It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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