i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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