Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
