Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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