Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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