Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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