drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
