I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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